Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

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Tomliner
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Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by Tomliner »



An Irish Mother's Letter to Her Son


Dear Son,

We are all doing very well.
You won't recognise the house when you get home - because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved 25 miles to Wexford.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they
moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.


This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in
and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether
you are an auntie or an uncle.

Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Distillery. Some of his workmates tried to save
him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me
not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so
windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last payment on your grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days,
up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with
the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday.. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He wound down the window and swam to safety.
Your other two friends were in the flatbed at the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Your loving Mum.

P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
:) EricT
Now at the age where I know I like girls but can't remember why!

nigelb
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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by nigelb »

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Brilliant!

Nigel²

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Paul K
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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by Paul K »

:lol: :lol: :lol: ..though I'm still trying to work out why the chicken laid the same egg four times. *-)

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FlyTexas
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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by FlyTexas »

:lol: :lol:

Brian

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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by Airspeed »

A good collection there :)
Paul K wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: ..though I'm still trying to work out why the chicken laid the same egg four times. *-)
If you still haven't worked it out yet, the wind blew it back where it came from.

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Paul K
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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by Paul K »

Ah, thanks for that Mike. :)

Dev One
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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by Dev One »

Paul K wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: ..though I'm still trying to work out why the chicken laid the same egg four times. *-)
Michael Finnegan syndrome - There was an old man named Michael Finnegan.........

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Paul K
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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by Paul K »

Dev One wrote:Michael Finnegan syndrome - There was an old man named Michael Finnegan.........
:lol: :lol: That rang a bell, but I still had to google it/him. ;)

Filonian
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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by Filonian »

Cheers for that - straight in my newsletter :thumbsup:


Graham
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Dev One
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Re: Shades Of The Late Frank Carson?

Post by Dev One »

There is also another oldie:

Once upon a time, when pigs ate lime & monkeys chewed tobacco,
a little doggie run with a feather up his b*m to see which way the wind blew.

The wind blew North, the wind blew South,
The wind blew the feather out the little doggies mouth!

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