A Marital Tale

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Battle of Britain
Battle of Britain
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Joined: 02 Apr 2006, 12:00
Location: Edinburgh UK

A Marital Tale

Post by Tomliner » 20 Mar 2017, 10:01

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years,
the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly
every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell
would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them out because it
was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that
one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day
morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs
sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and
went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed
covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and
emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which
was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she
rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture
she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her
husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of
horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you.

What do you mean? asked his wife.
Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,
and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers.
I think I got most of them back in.
:) EricT
Now at the age where I know I like girls but can't remember why!

Posts: 1518
Joined: 22 Nov 2010, 00:38
Location: Devon UK

Re: A Marital Tale

Post by dodger » 20 Mar 2017, 13:58

That is Horrible Eric, ;)

Last edited by dodger on 21 Mar 2017, 13:34, edited 1 time in total.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

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Location: heswall, wirral

Re: A Marital Tale

Post by cstorey » 20 Mar 2017, 23:51

Or Horrible even.....

Kevin Farnell
Posts: 1628
Joined: 26 Jun 2004, 13:29
Location: Willingham, Cambridge UK.

Re: A Marital Tale

Post by Kevin Farnell » 21 Mar 2017, 02:23

:lol: :lol: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Tomliner wrote:

habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
:) EricT
Is this not normal? :worried:

Stratospheric traces, of our transitory flight.
Trails of condensation, held in narrow paths of white...

Red Arrows
Red Arrows
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Joined: 27 Nov 2005, 09:08
Location: Gristhorpe, UK

Re: A Marital Tale

Post by Filonian » 21 Mar 2017, 21:16

Must tel this one to my walking trio as one habitually pollutes the atmosphere whilst we walk. (Also newsletter material :agree: )

Corker, and that's what we are thinking of fitting him with.

To me, "Drink responsibly" means don't spill it!!!

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