When Insults Had Class

[Tomliner]

May have been posted before but worth another look.

These insults are from an era before the English language was dumbed-down to 4-letter words. Oh, if only I had such wit . . . . .


A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
"That depends, Sir, " said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy ."
-Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
-Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx

[FlyTexas]

Plenty of good ones there. Thanks for posting.

Brian

[Airspeed]

Thanks, Eric. Got a few chuckles out of that lot!

[GHD]

I like Andrew Lang

[TobyV]

Very good!

[Filonian]

Enjoyed 'em all


Graham

[nigelb]

So very clever!

Nigel²