Once a pun a time

[GHD]

Savour every one.


Ø Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine

Ø A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Ø Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Ø Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Ø Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

Ø A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Ø A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Ø Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Ø Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Ø Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Ø Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

Ø When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Ø A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

Ø What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Ø Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Ø In democracy your vote counts; in feudalism your count votes.

Ø She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

Ø A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Ø If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

Ø With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Ø The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Ø You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Ø Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Ø Every calendar's days are numbered.

Ø A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

Ø A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Ø He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Ø A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Ø Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

Ø Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Ø Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Ø Acupuncture is a jab well done



Oh stop groaning… some of them aren’t bad!

[gordon-in-aberdeen]

"if it wasn't for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us"
Eric Morecambe 1926-1984

[Garry Russell]

One of the greatest film puns must surely be Kenneth Williams as a Roman Emperor being chased by assasins

"Imfamy, imfamy, they've all got it in fa me".

Thanks for that little lot George

[steelsporran]

Once again: CAN WE PLEASE GET A GROAN SMILEY!

[Filonian]

Graham