Tax Stimulus

[simondix]

Tax Credit Stimulus Payments


A good bit of advice from Roger Stapley.







Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I will try to explain it by using a Question and Answers format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.


Q. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka .


* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala.


* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.



* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .



* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.





Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

1) Spending it at car boot sales, or

2) Going to night clubs, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or


4) Beer or whisky or

5) Tattoos.



(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )


CONCLUSION:

Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer or whisky day and night !

[DispatchDragon]

Sounds like a plan Simon!!

But its nice to know that we in the US are not the only ones with those problems....


Leif

[airboatr]

ahh yes Leif, misery do loveth company .

which, btw those who are frezzing your chestnuts off, will be pleasantly comforted in knowing we here in Florida are heading down into the 30's tomorrow . with rain

boy would I like to have a talking to those idiots who chased off global warming...



Simon
loved this part .....

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

[FlyTexas]

Simon
loved this part .....

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

<liquid Christmas cheer>

Oh gawd don't get me started on China. Last year I did some "seasonal/part-time work" for a major American toy store. I'm telling ya, 99% percent of the stuff that was unloaded from those trucks was imported from China. Nothing personal against China...love their take-away food ...but come on, what ever happened to us supporting our own workers?

</liquid Christmas cheer>

Brian

[airboatr]

I didn't start it , Simon started it.

I was just commenting on how it ended

[dodger]

Good Morning,

Quote from Simon, Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer or whisky day and night!,

Now thats what i call a great idea! except the wife would'nt like it and i'm to old!

Cheers,

Roger.