I was sitting watching Match of the Day when the Mrs came into the lounge and says,
"Fancy making love, Babe?"
I said, "After the football love."
She said, "You do realise that you can record it don't you?"
I said, "OK, you get the camcorder; I'll come upstairs as soon as the football finishes".
My girlfriend has just asked me how many women I've made love to.
I answered, 'I really don't want to answer that love, you know I've had a past and I don't want to upset you!'
'C'mon', she said, 'I can handle it!'
So I had to sit there and count them all.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, you, 10, 11, 12.
I was at a wedding reception when the DJ announced,
'All the married men out there go and stand by the person who makes your life worth living'.
The barman was crushed to death.
My wife was in the bathroom for hours getting ready to go out, when finally the door swung open and she stood there in the doorway and said,
"Honestly, do I look fat in this ?".
I replied, "Yes love, you do, but to be fair, it's only a small bathroom".
Graham
Men only....
Moderators: Guru's, The Ministry
Men only....
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Re: Men only....
"Speed building both sides.....passing one hundred knots.....V1..rotate...oh sh*t..."
Re: Men only....
Great 
Well this morning [and this is true] i made a real mistake, the wife and i had to go to the shops ,well i am the taxi driver!, so we finished breakfast and i said, i will wash up you go and put your face on!!
Wrong thing to say She said What!! i already have!!
No going back, mind you i have been married 50yrs but i have not often made a clanger.
Cheers,
Roger.
Well this morning [and this is true] i made a real mistake, the wife and i had to go to the shops ,well i am the taxi driver!, so we finished breakfast and i said, i will wash up you go and put your face on!!
Wrong thing to say
She said What!! i already have!!No going back, mind you i have been married 50yrs but i have not often made a clanger.
Cheers,
Roger.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Re: Men only....
dodger wrote:Great
Well this morning [and this is true] i made a real mistake, the wife and i had to go to the shops ,well i am the taxi driver!, so we finished breakfast and i said, i will wash up you go and put your face on!!
Wrong thing to say
Cheers,
Roger.
Will you eventually make a full recovery Roger?
Graham
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Re: Men only....
Brilliant, even Mrs W found them funny, but then again, she was born in Walsall and grew up in East Yorkshire
Ben.
Re: Men only....
In time Graham,in time
Roger.
Roger.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Re: Men only....
Anyone trying these on their womenfolk had better reserve a slot at A & E 
EricTNow at the age where I know I like girls but can't remember why!