Holy e-mail

[Filonian]

One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on...

So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.

When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'

So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.

When the angel returned she went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'

God was not pleased.

So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said?






Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either!



Graham

[Airspeed]

I deleted it, thought it must have been a hoax.

[Filonian]

I deleted it, thought it must have been a hoax.

Graham

[speedbird591]

Do you know what the e-mail said?

Yes. Mine promised me an eternity in Paradise with 72 fair-skinned virgins in exchange for waging holy jihad against the infidel crusaders.

I'm thinking about it...

Ian

[Airspeed]

Yes. Mine promised me an eternity in Paradise with 72 fair-skinned virgins in exchange for waging holy jihad against the infidel crusaders.

I'm thinking about it...

Ian

Funny how dark skinned folk think fair skinned is attractive, fair folk want dark suntans, young women grey their hair, older ones dye theirs darker......

Anyway, Ian, if you're going to go on this jihad, "You're not taking the Kingswood!" *



[* Regular line in 70's Australian TV show regarding his kids wanting to use the father's sacred car, a Holden Kingswood]

[speedbird591]

Funny how dark skinned folk think fair skinned is attractive, fair folk want dark suntans, young women grey their hair, older ones dye theirs darker......

Well, if you think Islam gives you any choice, Mike, then you must think again. Your virgins are all specified down to the minutest detail and white-skinned is what Allah has decreed so you might as well stop thinking about having a selection!

Check out Wiki Islam if you don't believe me http://www.wikiislam.net/wiki/72_Virgins

Other specs include:

60 cubits tall and 7 cubits wide
Transparent to the marrow of their bones
Large, round breasts that are not inclined to hang
Non-menstruating, non-urinating, non-defecating and child-free

And many more ...

See you down the mosque, mate

Ian

[Airspeed]

Hmm,
Can't say I fancy a bevy of see- through women who are unable to defecate, just imagine what would be on view.
One absorbing point though, you may see yourself coming.
I wonder whether it was a man or a woman who wrote these rules

[FlyTexas]

Large, round breasts that are not inclined to hang
Non-menstruating, non-urinating, non-defecating and child-free

Ian, you've just described the next Mrs. FlyTexas!! Where do I sign up for one of these ladies? I don't need seventy...I'm not greedy...one'll do.

Peace be upon you and your camels,
Ali Bin Brian

[Airspeed]

Ian,
Sorry this took a while, but Airspeed legal were away on a team bonding workshop.
However, having had a quick look at the fine print on page 4398, they found a couple of points:
4b(23)
In South Australia, there's a 20cent refundable deposit on each container.
576k(ii)
The 60 vertical cutebits are to remain vertical, otherwise the warranty is voided
576k(iii)
The 7 other cutebits are to be used at the owner's risk, and no express or implied warranty applies.
843c 2
The items are supplied as virgins and must always remain so.
843c 3
Failure to follow the rule in 843c 2 will result in termination of the contract.

When they came in with that last one, I thought "Here we go again:'Be careful what you wish for!'"

EDIT: They also took a random sample of exit interviews for people who were 20 seconds into death;
when asked to nod for "Affirmative, I am going to Heaven", there was an apparent 100% denial.
What you get when you get there seems academic to say the least.
EDIT ENDS

[Tomliner]

Ian,if they are non defecating,that means they are full of sh*t doesn't it? Oh and what about non talking being an attribute? EricT