Who's paranoid?
Moderators: Guru's, The Ministry
Who's paranoid?
Ordering Pizza In 2020
CALLER:
Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet,
the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza
with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want...
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula,
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza!
I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.
According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once,
at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using
an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:
Enough!
I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.
I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV,
where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first.
It expired 6 weeks ago...
George
- blanston12
- Vintage Pair
- Posts: 2718
- Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 20:45
- Location: San Francsico, California
Re: Who's paranoid?
Just because i'm paranoid does not mean the whole world is not out to get me.
Joe Cusick,
I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.
- Tako_Kichi
- Concorde
- Posts: 1465
- Joined: 12 Oct 2007, 19:39
- Location: SW Ontario, Canada (ex-pat Brit)
Re: Who's paranoid?
[enter pantomime mode]blanston12 wrote: ↑03 Jun 2020, 21:52Just because i'm paranoid does not mean the whole world is not out to get me.
OH YES IT DOES!
[end pantomime mode]
Larry
Re: Who's paranoid?
One reason I refuse to use a mobile phone, although some of the other factors apply.
Nigel²
Re: Who's paranoid?
And that’s exactly why I don’t use any google, Facebook and now not even amazon services. I’m going to build a hut in the woods
Ben.
- Airspeed
- Red Arrows
- Posts: 9243
- Joined: 14 Sep 2011, 03:46
- Location: Central Victorian Highlands, Dja Dja Wurrung Country, Australia
- Contact:
Re: Who's paranoid?
You should be, George, we now have a photo of you standing in front of your home, in your new signature.
Re: Who's paranoid?
Or is he really
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Obi-Wan Kenobi
- Airspeed
- Red Arrows
- Posts: 9243
- Joined: 14 Sep 2011, 03:46
- Location: Central Victorian Highlands, Dja Dja Wurrung Country, Australia
- Contact:
Re: Who's paranoid?
Ah, it's Ow K, son of Special K.