Pet Rules

[Filonian]

PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine

and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim

for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the

slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help either, because I

fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats

can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest

extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end

to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to

claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the

door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the

bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain

Our Pets:

1. They live here You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they

call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy,

walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
.


Graham

[AndyG]

Very good.

Just a few (mainly cat related) amendments-

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they

1. Eat less Depends on the size of the dog
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train How much DO you know about cats?
4. Usually come when called but then stop just short of where you need them to be.
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends That's what you think!
7. Don't smoke or drink As above 8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes but sleep on them constantly
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[VEGAS]

Like it, like it..

[Filonian]

Andy G - hey, don't shoot the messenger!

On point 3. I was never a "cat person" until I met yhe three my daughter has - they are all recue cats and have ME very well trained. Insist on showing me where the fridge is "just in case I have forgotten."

Graham

[AndyG]

Andy G - hey, don't shoot the messenger!

On point 3. I was never a "cat person" until I met yhe three my daughter has - they are all recue cats and have ME very well trained. Insist on showing me where the fridge is "just in case I have forgotten."

Graham

That's what I meant. It's the cats that do the training! Ten years of being gently, politely but repeatedly patted on the hand if I wasn't up has permanently set my body clock to wake up at 6 am.

AndyG

[DispatchDragon]

This is scary - do cats and dogs have blogs??? where they share ideas and
human training tips??


our three share the same things you guys do - cept they do it with American accents - (well cept for the cats who came from Hawaii and
seem to consider themselves Polynesian Goddess's).



Leif

[Filonian]

You are lucky Andy, when my daughter is visiting with the "girls" I don't get patted on the hand - it is my nose - gently, but increasing pressure.

I am extremely fortunate if I am woken up by this method. but should this fail, I am treated to the "multi point needle" routine.

Graham

[AndyG]

You are lucky Andy, when my daughter is visiting with the "girls" I don't get patted on the hand - it is my nose - gently, but increasing pressure.

I am extremely fortunate if I am woken up by this method. but should this fail, I am treated to the "multi point needle" routine.

Graham

Ah, that was the (now departed and sadly missed) Violet (so called because she was a very nervous rescue cat, a real "shrinking violet!!); she just used to sit politely on the bed tapping gently (the multi point needles ever so slightly extended) - if I tried to ignore her she would just move around until she found any other bit of flesh, so noses were tapped occassionally. Her partner in crime, Toby (also sadly missed) just used to use me as a springboard on his way to the windowsill! He was a beautiful cat, but not what you would call bright; a real blond (sorry Kimber, no offence).

AndyG

[Filonian]

It's tin 'ats & sand bags time now Andy after that last statement.

I'm off shopping until the dust settles.

Graham

p.s. could some kind soul explain how to do thes 'ere quotes?

[AndyG]

It's tin 'ats & sand bags time now Andy after that last statement.

I'm off shopping until the dust settles.

Graham

p.s. could some kind soul explain how to do thes 'ere quotes?

Graham,

Click on the button marked "Quote", top right of a message panel.

AndyG