Church Bulletins
Posted: 21 Apr 2008, 07:34
They're Back! Church Bulletins: thank God for the church ladies who type them.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
Recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
Things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang, 'I will not pass this way, again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
Nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
Sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
Church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
Several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
Cycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
Person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
And gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
May be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
From the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
Ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
Lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
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The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
Attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
Slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
Graham
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
Recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
Things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang, 'I will not pass this way, again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
Nursery downstairs.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
Sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
Church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
Several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
Cycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
Person you want remembered.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
And gracious hostility.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
May be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
From the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
Ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. Is done.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
Lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
Attend this tragedy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
Slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
Graham
