A bit of Tommy
Posted: 07 Oct 2009, 12:56
Cooper that is 
Hope you enjoy and they havn't been posted before.
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'"
So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
" So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family,
so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and
he said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said
'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me
Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other
"Does this taste funny to you?"
A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time "
The man replied "I know I've been ill"
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
He wasn't very happy.
I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says "So are you, you fat slob!"
Hope you enjoy and they havn't been posted before.
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."
"Well you can't say fairer than that then"
So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died.'"
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'"
So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
" So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family,
so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and
he said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said
'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.
Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me
Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other
"Does this taste funny to you?"
A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time "
The man replied "I know I've been ill"
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
He wasn't very happy.
I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says "So are you, you fat slob!"