I used to own a 16th Century stone cottage with walls about a metre thick. As the stones were all different shapes, over the years the field mice had created passages to get to their winter quarters in the loft. We'd know the season was changing when we were woken several times a night by scrabbling noises above our heads. The then Mrs. Speedbird was a vegetarian bunny hugger so a humane trap was the only option - despite my protests that if I released them into the fields they'd probably be back before I was.
One night we got back from the pub a bit squiffy and instead of scrabbling there was a plastic rattling overhead which required instant attention. While I was wobbling up and down the ladder, she dressed a shoe box with an old T shirt, scattered some bird seed in it, decided that she was going to keep it and named it Morris (I see now that I should have given her children

).
When Morris was eventually shaken reluctantly out of his plastic refuge into the overwhelming glare of his new home, he was shivering with fear despite the friendly endearments of his drunken, but loving, step-parents. But when she went to stroke him, he found it all too much and launched himself into a magnificent leap for freedom clear out of the box and under the cushions on the sofa.
Well, we thought this was the funniest thing we'd ever seen in our lives but by the time we'd recovered from our hysterical laughter (and hiccups) there was no sign of Morris anywhere. We concluded that he was probably living happily ever after in the sofa with his family and living off biscuit crumbs. He was the best pet we ever had.
I realise that this is no help to you whatsoever. But then that applies to most advice you'll get off this site!
Ian
