Classic British Flight Sim

The 'Middle Wife'


By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.


I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mam and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mam's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mam starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mam to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mam had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mam's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.


EricT

Hi Eric,

Yes you can see that, nothing like youngsters to tell it as it is,

Roger.

That's a beauty, Eric.
But where on Earth is this teacher from?
In the US, it's "mom & dad"
I've seen lots of you Englanders use "mom", too, but you quite rightly have a swipe at "airplanes".
NOW we have "mam" and "airplanes" from one source.
I'm confused

Quite right Mike.I corrected mam/ mom but forgot airplane/aeroplane! I feel such a silly ass/@rse. EricT

That's given me yet another laugh, Eric!
Thought my knowledge of world languages had let me down again.

Very good, but I am a bit confused in the world language stuff. Dominoes may be a tell tale hint unless they have those franchises in other parts of the world beside the Colonies. I am trying to recall if I saw any on my last trip to the UK but my memory fails me. Beside I would not want Dominoes pizza when I can have fish and chips or a good curry!

Nigel²

2nd grade teacher to me immediately makes me think of USA

Ah yes, Gary. I obviously missed the obvious.

Nigel²