Some jokes to liven the day
Posted: 16 May 2015, 20:33
1. A Bloke Walks Into a Bar...
A bloke walked into a crowded bar waving his 1911 Colt pistol and yelled: "I have a 45 Colt with an eight shot clip and I want to know who's been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the room called out... "You'll need more ammo!"
2. Scottish Husband...
A thoughtful Scottish husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down
to the local pub. He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, ‘Maggie - put your
hat and coat on, lassie.’ She replied, 'Awe Jock that's nice - are you taking me tae the
pub with you? ''Nay,’ Jock replied ‘I'm turning the heat off while I'm out.'
3. Life...
This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent times:
"Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free . . ., it's women who make it hard."
4. The Cardiologist...
And this is why some people earn more than others...
A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7 million when you and I are doing basically the same work?
The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running."
Keith
A bloke walked into a crowded bar waving his 1911 Colt pistol and yelled: "I have a 45 Colt with an eight shot clip and I want to know who's been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the room called out... "You'll need more ammo!"
2. Scottish Husband...
A thoughtful Scottish husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down
to the local pub. He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, ‘Maggie - put your
hat and coat on, lassie.’ She replied, 'Awe Jock that's nice - are you taking me tae the
pub with you? ''Nay,’ Jock replied ‘I'm turning the heat off while I'm out.'
3. Life...
This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent times:
"Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free . . ., it's women who make it hard."
4. The Cardiologist...
And this is why some people earn more than others...
A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7 million when you and I are doing basically the same work?
The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running."
Keith