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Some Classic Insults.....

Posted: 15 Aug 2015, 16:16
by Tomliner
.....without the need for bad language!


A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease".
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.".


"He had delusions of adequacy.
Walter Kerr.



"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.".
- Winston Churchill.



"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.".
- Clarence Darrow.



"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.".
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.".
- Moses Hadas.


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.".
- Mark Twain.


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.".
- Oscar Wilde.

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.".
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if there is one.".
- Winston Churchill, in response.



"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.".
- Stephen Bishop.

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator.".
- John Bright.


"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.".
- Irvin S. Cobb.


"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.".
- Samuel Johnson.

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.".
- Paul Keating.


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.".
- Charles, Count Talleyrand.


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.".
- Forrest Tucker.


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?".
- Mark Twain.


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.".
- Mae West.


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.".
- Oscar Wilde.


"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination.".
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912).


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music.". Billy Wilder.




"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it.".





:) EricT

Re: Some Classic Insults.....

Posted: 15 Aug 2015, 19:09
by Vancouver
Wonderful, unfortunately apart from a very few, we don't have the politicians nor celebrities with the wit to be able to match some of these gems.

Re: Some Classic Insults.....

Posted: 15 Aug 2015, 19:26
by Tomliner
Alex , there was another one attributed to Churchill.I'd like to believe that it's true . Apparently at a function (the then Mr) Churchill spoke to a woman who said supposedly said rather loudly 'Mr Churchill you are drunk', to which he replied 'And you madam are ugly but in the morning I'll be sober'. :) EricT
ps I'm sure someone will soon correct me if I'm wrong!

Re: Some Classic Insults.....

Posted: 16 Aug 2015, 03:42
by nigelb
Winston's wit was absolutely brilliant. My favourrite attributed to him:
Lady Nancy Astor:" Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea."
Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.”

Nigel²

Re: Some Classic Insults.....

Posted: 16 Aug 2015, 04:42
by Airspeed
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I love seeing sharp tools used expertly. :agree:

Re: Some Classic Insults.....

Posted: 16 Aug 2015, 09:42
by Paul K
Winston Churchill's opinion of his successor after the 1945 election: ' An empty taxi arrived outside 10 Downing Street, and Clement Atlee got out.'

Re: Some Classic Insults.....

Posted: 16 Aug 2015, 11:06
by cstorey
Tomliner : the wonderful exchange you quote was between WSC and Bessie Braddock , for many years the Labour MP for Liverpool Exchange . She was indeed as ugly as sin , but she was a very genuine and very nice woman

Re: Some Classic Insults.....

Posted: 16 Aug 2015, 17:12
by airboatr
Rumor has it she gave him one of these

Image

yeah















And that's why his smile is bent , ...with a dent.

Image

:)