Jokes!
Posted: 13 Aug 2020, 17:31
To keep us amused while we languish in God's waiting room, Shell Pensioner News has a joke page. Here are the ...er..highlights. 
1 ) No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery
2 ) If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll be repossessed
3 ) I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
4 ) I didn't like my beard at first, but it grew on me.
5 ) Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control her pupils ?
6 ) When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
7 ) When chemists die, they barium.
8 ) I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
9 ) Today, a lady said she recognised me from the Vegetarian's Club, but I swear I've never seen herbivore.
10 ) I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
11 ) What do you call dental X-rays ? Tooth pics
12 ) When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. ( One for the colonials there )
13 ) What do you call a group of babies ? The infantry.
14 ) Why do cows have hooves instead of feet ? Because they lactose.
15 ) A dentist and a manicurist got married, but they fought tooth and nail.
16 ) A will is a dead giveaway.
17 ) The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
1 ) No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery
2 ) If you don't pay your exorcist, you'll be repossessed
3 ) I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
4 ) I didn't like my beard at first, but it grew on me.
5 ) Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control her pupils ?
6 ) When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
7 ) When chemists die, they barium.
8 ) I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
9 ) Today, a lady said she recognised me from the Vegetarian's Club, but I swear I've never seen herbivore.
10 ) I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
11 ) What do you call dental X-rays ? Tooth pics
12 ) When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. ( One for the colonials there )
13 ) What do you call a group of babies ? The infantry.
14 ) Why do cows have hooves instead of feet ? Because they lactose.
15 ) A dentist and a manicurist got married, but they fought tooth and nail.
16 ) A will is a dead giveaway.
17 ) The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
