Sound Familiar?
Posted: 29 Jun 2021, 08:26
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness. I said, "No, we all seem
to enjoy it."
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
My bucket list: keep breathing.
Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: "close enough."
I'm a multitasker. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time!
At my funeral, take the bouquet from my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
Retirement to do list: Wake up. Nailed it!
Went to an antique show and people were bidding on me.
I won't say I'm worn out, but I don't get near the curb on bin day.
Retired: Under new management. See spouse for details.
I don't have grey hair. I have wisdom highlights.
Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
I don't trip, I do random gravity checks.
Hold on while I overthink this.
I'd grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.
Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me, so from now I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.
Some people are like clouds, once they disappear it's a beautiful day.
Some people you're glad to see coming; some people you're glad to see going
My body is a temple, ancient and crumbling, perhaps cursed or haunted.
Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
PLEASE KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. Nothing to do with virus. I'm just a grouch.
I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what's going on.
EricT
