Proud to be British
Moderators: Guru's, The Ministry
Proud to be British
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION..(these are all true!)
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
and finally...
In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Have a good weekend folks!
And the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION..(these are all true!)
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
and finally...
In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Have a good weekend folks!
I suffer from paranoid amnesia. I can't remember who I don't trust.
- DaveB
- The Ministry
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- Location: Pelsall, West Mids, UK
- Contact:
It's nice to see we're good at a lot of things Eddie but I don't think that list tells the whole story. Taken on it's own.. it looks sad.. very sad but I'd like to think we stand up well against the rest of the world. Find out how other countries do and post a league table por favor
Also.. how many of those 8 injured in 2000 throwing up were actually Aussies??? :think:
ATB
DaveB :tab:
Also.. how many of those 8 injured in 2000 throwing up were actually Aussies??? :think:
ATB
DaveB :tab:
Old sailors never die.. they just smell that way!
DaveB wrote: Also.. how many of those 8 injured in 2000 throwing up were actually Aussies??? :think:
ATB
DaveB :tab:
Probably Dave. Its very much tongue in cheek and light hearted stuff but also very true. I suppose we can't be good at everything. Right?
I suffer from paranoid amnesia. I can't remember who I don't trust.
- DaveB
- The Ministry
- Posts: 30457
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- Location: Pelsall, West Mids, UK
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True mate.. very true
I agree with a number of those points though, as I said.. I don't believe we're the major culprits on all subjects covered. Nice to know we can still lead the world at something.. albeit injuring ourselves while throwing up!!
ATB
DaveB :tab:
I agree with a number of those points though, as I said.. I don't believe we're the major culprits on all subjects covered. Nice to know we can still lead the world at something.. albeit injuring ourselves while throwing up!!
ATB
DaveB :tab:
Old sailors never die.. they just smell that way!
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- Concorde
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Re: Proud to be British
Sums it up perfectly - I would have thought the dentist was a more sensible option.VEGAS wrote: A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.$
Charlie
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- Chris Trott
- Vintage Pair
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I was going to say, all of the "Only in" can apply just as well to the US and Canada. We tend to be just as idiotic in our "rules".
It's pretty simple to explain it all though - Common Sense doesn't exist anymore. The minute someone gets into a position of responsibility it seems that all capability to utilize it disappears.
It's pretty simple to explain it all though - Common Sense doesn't exist anymore. The minute someone gets into a position of responsibility it seems that all capability to utilize it disappears.
- Garry Russell
- The Ministry
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- Joined: 29 Jan 2005, 00:53
- Location: On the other side of the wall
"Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. "
Hmmmmmmmmm I think our US friends could better us on that.
I never understand why men shave their heads the wear a hat to keep warm :k:
Also women plucking the eyebrows then painting them back on?
Of course 'tis not just us Brits that do that.
Garry
Hmmmmmmmmm I think our US friends could better us on that.
I never understand why men shave their heads the wear a hat to keep warm :k:
Also women plucking the eyebrows then painting them back on?
Of course 'tis not just us Brits that do that.
Garry
Garry
"In the world of virtual reality things are not always what they seem."
"In the world of virtual reality things are not always what they seem."
- DispatchDragon
- Battle of Britain
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The whole shaven head thing had me perplexed until my wife explained it
Because men are vain about going bald - shave it off and it doesnt show!
<--still has a full head of hair , albeit a different colour now from the manufacturers original
BTW all of those apply to the US and Canada - as Chris says - theres a
total lack of common sense
Leif
Because men are vain about going bald - shave it off and it doesnt show!
<--still has a full head of hair , albeit a different colour now from the manufacturers original
BTW all of those apply to the US and Canada - as Chris says - theres a
total lack of common sense
Leif