THE government is to invest £50bn of your money in British banks so they can lend it back to you with interest.
The historic move is being hailed as a lifeline for the financial system as long as nobody asks too many questions.
Julian Cook, chief economist at Corbett and Barker, said: 'The government will give your money to the banks so the banks can start lending you that money, probably at around 7% APR.
'Thanks to all the interest you're paying on your own money, the banks will make billions of pounds again and normality will be restored.
'After a few years of this the government will cash in the bank shares it bought with your money and use the profits to build a huge f---ing dome somewhere.'
He added: 'In case you hadn't already worked it out - the entire global financial system is predicated on the assumption that you're an idiot.'
Chancellor Alistair Darling said the decision had been taken in tandem with the banking industry, adding: 'They used a lot of dirty words I'd never heard before and one of them had an angry looking dog.'
Meanwhile, Emma Bradford, a sales manager from Bath, said: 'Why doesn't the government just give my money to me so I can buy stuff from businesses who will then make a profit and put it in a bank?'
But Mr Darling insisted: 'Shut up.'
Graham
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Well on this side of the pond the big news is that a week after our government bailed out AIG, the insurance giant, top management took a trip to a resort spar to the tune of $435,000 of our tax dollars. Among the items in the bill were charges for manicures! :roll: :o
As I understand it the government will have to borrow the £50billion, increasing the national debt etc. Yes that's right in the middle of a credit crisis our leaders plan to get out of it, is to borrow more money, genius.
Mind you now Iceland appears to be bankrupt I'm thinking of making an offer for it and installing my self as Grand Dictator for Life.
