Council classics

[VEGAS]

Actual complaints logged against the council

"My bush is really overgrown round the front, and my back passage has fungus growing in it"

"He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore"

"It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow"

"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off"

"Their eldest son is continually banging his balls against my fence"

"I wish to report some missing tiles from the roof of the outside toilet. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off"

"My lavatory seat is cracked - where do I stand"

"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall"

"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it a fortnight ago and now she is pregnant"

"I am again writing to complain about the walls in my kitchen - 50% are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain dirty"

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared"

"Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not fit to drink"

"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces"

"I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me to take"

"The man nextdoor has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous, and blocks out large amounts of light

"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it"

" I am a single woman living in a ground floor flat. Would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night"

"Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife"

"I have had the Clerk of Works down to the floor six times but still have no satisfaction"

"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2"

[Garry Russell]

Brilliant Eddie

Laughed so much I almost bought a round



Garry

[speedbird591]

Aaaah! Stop making me laugh, I have to go to work and look miserable!

Excellent, Eddie. Very funny.

Ian

[ChrisHunt]

Very, very funny - glad there's no-one else around to hear me giggling.

[Filonian]

Graham