SMART ARSE ANSWERS

[st george]

SMART ARSE ANSWER 6

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

"What are my choices?" the man asked.

"Yes or no," she replied..



SMART ARSE ANSWER 5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and He opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."



SMART ARSE ANSWER 4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."



SMART ARSE ANSWER 3

The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said.

The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.



SMART ARSE ANSWER 2

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that
read "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly
ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!"



SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,

"What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the
exam with your other hand".

[Garry Russell]

The last one creased me up

Garry

[Chris Trott]

SMART ARSE ANSWER 2

A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that
read "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly
ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!"

I heard that one originally from Bill Engvall on the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour". He did it as a "Here's your sign" joke and was slightly different, but the payoff was still great.

[steelsporran]

The last one creased me up

Garry

Pardon?

[airboatr]

I wasn't sure about that either.......

...need an iron to straighten it out mate?

[Filonian]

Graham