Vauxhall Vectra help

[NigelC]

1. How do you double the price of a skoda?
Fill up the tank

2. Why do skodas have heated rear windscreens?
To keep your hands warm while your pushing it.

3. Have you got a wing mirror for a skoda?
Okay, seems like a fair swap

4. What do you call a skoda driver who say's he has a speeding ticket ?
A Dreamer

5. How do you increase the value of a skoda?
throw a penny in it.

6. What do you call a Skoda with a sun roof ?
A skip

7. Ive just bought the new 16 valve Skoda .......4 in the engine, 12 in the radio! (If you understand this and your under 40 then you need to get out more)

8. What is the difference between being inside Jessica Alba's ra and being caught inside a Skoda ? You feel a bigger tit in a Skoda !

9. What do you call a Skoda at the the top of a hill ?
A miracle.

10. How do you overtake a Skoda ?
Run

11. What is the difference between a school and a Skoda?
Schools breaks up and a Skoda breaks down

12. Why is a skoda and a baby similar?
They both never go anywhere without a rattle

13. How come the Skoda crossed the street?
It was supposed to be going along it but the steering failed

14. What do you call a Skoda with a really long radio aerial?
A bumper car

15. What colour shall i get my skoda in?
It doesn't matter, it'll go brown through rust after a week

16. How do you make a policeman laugh?
Tell him your skoda just got nicked

17. I bought the top spec skoda, this one came with an engine.

18. Tom: 'I was gonna buy a passat but I bought a mondeo instead'
Harry: 'I was gonna buy a skoda but i bought a bike'

19. How do you make a skoda more sporty?
Wear adidas trainers while driving it.

20. Whats the difference between stress and a skoda?
Stress makes you have a mental breakdown.



Tony

What's the difference between a Skoda and a sheep?

It's less embarrassing being seen getting out of the back of a sheep!

[Garry Russell]

Reference to #7



Garry

[speedbird591]

Here's what it says in the Which? Car survey 2009 about the Citroen C1.

The Citroen C1 is all but identical to its Peugeot 107 and Toyota Aygo siblings, so this review applies to all three cars.

All three cars offer reliable, cheap and frugal transport. Owner satisfaction 87% (highest is Mazda MX-5 with 96%, lowest is Fiat Punto 65%). Reliability: Breakdowns 5/5 stars - most common faults: seats 5%, interior 5%, brakes 3%, eng-electrics 3%, exterior 3%.

Sounds pretty good!

It's interesting how individual models can stand out from the rest of the brand. Toyota is second equal in the brand reliability index while Citroen is way down in the 'poor' section. Likewise, although Honda and Toyota are one and two in the reliability index, the new Civic and the Auris are performing worse than the Renault Megane! Honda is riding high on the strength of the Jazz and the Accord with reliability scores of 98% and 99% respectively. The old models Civic and Corolla were almost faultless so unless they improve the new Civic and Auris they might have to give up the top podium position. Who's number 2 equal? I hear you ask. Well, it says here - Daihatsu!

In case you don't know how Which? works, it's the magazine of the Consumer's association which is a non-profit making enterprise which champions consumer issues and does independent comparative testing of most consumer products. They don't accept advertising and the magazine is free to Association members. All products tested are bought anonymously. As for car testing, questionnaires are sent randomly to thousands of members each year to ask about the cars we own and what problems we've encountered. This applies to cars up to 8 years old. Then all the numbers are crunched and the statistics published in an extra magazine every September. This year 77,000 members returned questionnaires.

So its difficult to know how you could get a more accurate picture of how cars perform under normal conditions than by asking thousands of owners. I've been receiving the mag for many years and its interesting to see how brands can improve (Ford have improved a lot over the past 5 years) and deteriorate (Mercedes down from good to average and VW from average to poor).

Ian

[Nigel H-J]

Nigel

Been there, done that with the Talbot Horizon

Well to be honest Ian I think I may have lost the plot slighty when I got rid of the Horizon as went for the one below!!

A Spartan, Cortina 1600cc overhead valve engine with webber twin carb and Smiths Instruments. Sadly one night when driving there was an awful smell of petrol, the Weber used to backflush at times, the next thing that attracted my attention were flames coming out of the grills on top of the bonnet, never has a car come to a stop that quickly as it did that night!!

Within a few minutes all was left was a burnt engine and chassis!!


Nigel.

[VEGAS]

You bought or near to buying anything yet Ben?

[TSR2]

Not yet mate. I was thinking I would be getting paid on Friday coming, but its actually Monday which means I won't be able to go by one until w/e of 7th

[markw]

Gawd, I had a Talbot Horizon once, what a bag of nails, it rusted as soon as a dog peed up it and was typically French, lots of pointless noise, smoked badly and worked when it felt like it.

Last Pug I drove was a 405 Turbo Diesel with turbo-lag measured in weeks. As I was driving round Birmingham at the time and needed to get a tyre-burning exit from the many roundabouts in order to beat the local bus drivers so I could get out of junctions before retirement, the desultory turbo assistance was a real problem especially as my personal car (the turbodiesel Corsa) had instant boost and could beat even the local Leyland Lynx buses to the last three feet of clear roadspace, which was going some as those buses were seemingly rocket assisted and could shift.

I've also had some good reports on Skodas and the Octavia Mk1 was an amazing car the one time I drove one.

[JimCooper]

I would never have another French car.

I bought my first Citroen 3 years ago and have just traded it in for another. It's a C1, so it's not French at all, it's a Toyota and it's built in Czech Republic

Conversely you could argue it is French with a Jap badge Infact, I'm sure it 90% PSA (Peugeot / Citroen)?

No the exact opposite, it's all Toyota components and they are simply a re-badged Toyota Aygo (with different body panels).