I wish to complain!

[VEGAS]

A friend e-mailed me these funnies.

A selection of quotes from actual written complaints to local authorities.......enjoy!!

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* My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

* He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

* It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

* I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my kn*b off.

* I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

* And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

* I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

* My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

* I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

* Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it, yesterday, and now she is pregnant.

* I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

* 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

* I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

* The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

* Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

* Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

* I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his c*ck wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

* The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

* Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

* I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

* Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

* I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

* This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

[Garry Russell]

They crop up now and then but still reduce me to tears

Thanks Eddie

[nigelb]

Some real gems there - thanks for posting!

Nigel²

[Nigel H-J]

Brilliant!! my poor stomach hurts for laughing so much!!

Nigel.