Puns for those with a higher IQ

[GHD]

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

[FlyTexas]

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)


A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Thanks for the laughs!

Brian

[emfrat]

Cheers, George, good to see you trying to raise the standard a bit.
I was going to drag it back down again, by reminding you of the Sunday colour supplement story of a decade or so back, about caring for our feathered friends in Winter, which gave good advice on building and placing a bird feeder, and then in the para about how to stock it said:
"...sparrows love bacon rind, and great tits like coconuts. "
but I decided not to.
Great to see the Black Cats staying up, and the Toon going back up.



Mike

[GHD]

In democracy your vote counts.

Not in this neck of the woods

[emfrat]

In democracy your vote counts.

Not in this neck of the woods

Nor here, either... some time ago, I sent an email to the extended family, explaining why the 'Westminster System' was the reason we no longer have 'Representative Democracy' and including my manifesto for getting rid of it. I had hoped the young'uns would take note, because it is they who will have to fix it, but the only responses - all favourable - were from my own generation

ATB
Mike

[airboatr]

here it counts , they just trump it at the electoral college level

because....... they're smarter and know what we really want

[nigelb]

here it counts , they just trump it at the electoral college level

because....... they're smarter and know what we really want

The Electoral College should have been abolished a long time ago! Let the stupid people decide!

Nigel²