Fifty Sheds Of Grey...........

[Filonian]

Fictional author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden.


Here are some extracts...


I LAY back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

She stood before me, trembling and naked in my shed. “I'm yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.” So I took her to McDonalds.

We stood alone on the idyllic white beach. She shed her clothes. I shed my inhibitions. At that moment I knew it would always be about sheds.

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall... but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred. “Yes,” I said, “You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”

“I'm a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. ‘I need to be punished.’ So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!” “Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos. “I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.

“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. “Very well,” I replied. “You've got fat ankles and no dress sense.”

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks.” She nodded. “Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!” “Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

My body writhed and quivered from the pain. I had learned my next lesson. Never again would I leave an upturned plug on the shed floor.




Graham

[Tomliner]

This book is obviously much better than SWMBO leads me to believe EricT

[Paul K]

[speedbird591]

That made me chuckle, Graham

I confess that I did use the anonymity of my iPad to download fifty shades to see what it was all about. They reckon this book is doing more for Kindle and iPad sales than any amount of advertising

Well, having done a critical review of the book, purely in the interest of trying to find out what women want, I can tell you that the dirty bits are quite good but the bits in between are boring.

Actually, I made up that about the in between bits. I didn't bother with them. Anyway, it'll give you a pleasant hour in the shed but for heaven's sake make sure you only get a digital version. You wouldn't want anybody to see what you were reading

Ian

[dodger]

Hi Graham,

Very , Very good mate, gave me a

I have heard about this book and i can't understand how she [the author] could write THREE books,

Pinching your post Graham, as old as i am [70] i started to read Lady Chatterley's Lover for the first time in my life the other week but i must say i found it boring! must be the sign of the times when you think of all the Bally-Hoo that went on about it back in the 1960's.

Cheers,

Roger.