My wife's on a new diet where she only eats fruit and my house is full of the stuff.
It's enough to make a mango crazy.
I pulled up next to a Porche at the traffic lights and saw his window was down,
"Nice car mate, " I said, "Must've set you back a pretty penny.
"£59,500," he replied somewhat smugly,
"Wow, just think, " I said, "another £500 and you may have got some bl**dy indicators fitted as well.
I was buying a Christmas Tree at the garden centre earlier when the assistant asked "Will you be putting it up tonight sir?"
"I doubt it," I replied "my wife goes to the Bingo on a Thursday."
A policeman pulled me over and asked if I had anything in my pockets that might hurt him. I answered, "No, just this naked photo of my girlfriend."
How was I to know it was his ex-wife?
The guy who invented Twister died this week. Fitting him into the coffin took 27 spins.
I walked into a pub last night and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness."
My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?"
"Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."
Brian
