JOKE PLEASE!!!!!!

[Airspeed]

Have had a b...... awful day trying to do business communications with females of the species.
If we'd been in the same room, there would have been blood on the carpet.
As it is, I'm just sobbing blood into my handkerchief.
I'm off to bed 12:31AM.
When I sign on again, please give me something to laugh at.

[Filonian]

Hope this helps Mike



Oh, the power of words.


In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination

was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings


Getting a Hairdryer through Customs.
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits

and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'


'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'


'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'


Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'



Graham

[dodger]

sorry to hear of your whoes Mike.

Roger.

[Kevin Farnell]

Brilliant. Hope Graham has cheered you up Mike.

Regards

Kevin

[Vancouver]

Have had a b...... awful day trying to do business communications with females of the species.

Interesting! Whenever I have to do business dealings, I usually & rather hope it is a woman I will be dealing with. I tend to find them more efficient, interested in resolving issues, interested in the dealings at hand (whether feigned or genuine interest) and overwhelming more pleasant to deal with. Men are in the main, sloppy, inefficient, and easily distracted. Oh hello dear I am just responding to a terribly sexist man on this forum......

[Airspeed]

Thanks all of you, excellent stuff. Didn't know that you could be so sneaky, Alex

This morning, I actually received a bonus - a long rambling apology from the main source of yesterday's trouble.

[nigelb]

Good to hear things got sorted Mike.

Nigel²

[Archer]

[dfarrow]

Don't want to alarm those overseas , but the UK might soon be asking for Red Cross parcels , Lease Lend etc. As we have a country wide biscuit shortage ! Don't panic ''Mr Mannering'' but Custard creams, Ginger nuts, Chocolate bourbons and Water Crackers are in very short supply . Indeed ration books might be issued , last used in fuel shortage of 1973 !

''' We would have a cup of tea to try and calm us down, but that would probably make our desire for a ginger nut even more intense. Anyone else starting to feel a little hysterical?

How an earth has this biscuit shortage come to pas, you say?

Storms Desmond and Eva recently wreaked havoc in Carlisle and one of the places that was hit really badly by this major weather front was the United Biscuits factory in Cumbria.

You’ve already put two and two together, haven’t you…

But for clarification: the biscuit factory was hit by serious flooding and, as a result, has been closed since December. And when the factory isn’t up and running no biscuits can be produced, none at all.

In a statement, United Biscuits said: 'Due to floods in Carlisle we are experiencing a shortage of a number products under the McVitie's, Jacob's, Carr's and Crawford's brands.

'We apologise if consumers are finding it difficult to get hold of some of these products and we are working hard at our Carlisle site to resume normal service as soon as possible.'

United Biscuits has also confirmed that production has restarted but it could take several months for usual service to return. That's, like 60 whole days without bourbons. If you’re crying right now, we are definitely not judging you.

We're going to have to rethink our tea-time ritual and take a vow to do some serious biscuit stockpiling once supermarket shelves are replenished. ''

Further info by Googling '' Britain's biscuit shortage ''

Good job it's toast for breakfast .

rgds dave f.

[robbie]

I learned to by without cookies (biscuits) in Canada because they taste awful over here, having said that, my local store had a supply of McVities choc digestives last month, baked in Ashby de la zouch, I used to drop in there once a week to pick up 7 lb boxes of seconds years ago, anyway I bought to whole batch and stuffed them in the freezer like a squirrel hiding nuts lol.