Children and Grandchildren

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Filonian
Red Arrows
Red Arrows
Posts: 6383
Joined: 27 Nov 2005, 08:08
Location: Gristhorpe, UK

Children and Grandchildren

Post by Filonian »

GOD CREATED CHILDREN

(AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)


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To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students...
here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God's omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was

' DON'T !'

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'Don't what ? '
Adam replied.


'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.'
God said.


'Forbidden fruit ?
We have forbidden fruit?
'Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! '

' No Way! '
'Yes way ! '


'Do NOT eat the fruit ! '
said God.


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'Why ? '

'Because I am your Father and I said so ! '
God replied,
wondering why He hadn't stopped
creation after making the elephants...

A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break -
and He was ticked !
'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? '
God asked.


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'Uh huh,' Adam replied.

'Then why did you ? ' said the Father.

'I don't know,' said Eve.
'She started it! ' Adam said.

'Did not ! '
'Did too ! '
'DID NOT ! '

Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

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If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it,
don't be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you ?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward
for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn't have said !

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.


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ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your
nursing home one day !!!

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

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'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN'
AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN' !!!!!




Have a nice weekend !!!


Graham
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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Chris Sykes
Concorde
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Posts: 1658
Joined: 18 Apr 2006, 11:50
Location: Northampton

Re: Children and Grandchildren

Post by Chris Sykes »

Thank god i have no children...

Good one!

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Paul K
Red Arrows
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Posts: 7835
Joined: 12 Jun 2005, 16:41
Location: Norfolk UK

Re: Children and Grandchildren

Post by Paul K »

:lol:

Keep them coming, Graham.

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DispatchDragon
Battle of Britain
Battle of Britain
Posts: 4925
Joined: 23 Feb 2005, 01:18
Location: On the corner of walk and dont walk somewhere on US1
Contact:

Re: Children and Grandchildren

Post by DispatchDragon »

Tag and I read that one together

Lord hurry up September so he can start school ;)

I WILL be lonely

Leif
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Erick_Cantu
Viscount
Viscount
Posts: 112
Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 22:03
Location: St. Cloud, MN, US
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Re: Children and Grandchildren

Post by Erick_Cantu »

I want children, my problem is that no self-respecting woman would have anything to do with a bloke like me.

I guess my cats will have to do.
Can't be arsed.

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