From today's emails - Alleged answers to GCSE questions

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hobby
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From today's emails - Alleged answers to GCSE questions

Post by hobby »

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

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Garry Russell
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Re: From today's emails - Alleged answers to GCSE questions

Post by Garry Russell »

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Reduced me to tears

Thanks for that Hobby :thumbsup:

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Re: From today's emails - Alleged answers to GCSE questions

Post by DaveB »

I like no.2 in which 'Flirtation' can remove dead sheep and canoeists from water :lol: A new one on me! :lol:

ATB

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Old sailors never die.. they just smell that way!

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Tako_Kichi
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Re: From today's emails - Alleged answers to GCSE questions

Post by Tako_Kichi »

Garry Russell wrote:Reduced me to tears
Me too! I was eating while reading and almost choked! 8) :agree: :lol:
Larry

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Garry Russell
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Re: From today's emails - Alleged answers to GCSE questions

Post by Garry Russell »

I couldn't read after a bit without rubbing my eyes.

My type of humour :rofl:

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Tako_Kichi
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Re: From today's emails - Alleged answers to GCSE questions

Post by Tako_Kichi »

The sad part is that I worked at a College in the UK for 10 years and I can actually see these as being genuine answers! Some kids really don't have the brainpower to walk and chew gum at the same time!
Larry

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Garry Russell
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Re: From today's emails - Alleged answers to GCSE questions

Post by Garry Russell »

I have actually come acroos some genuine ones

An Octupus is so called because it has eight testicles.

My Mum's siter emigrated to Canada to a place called Vagina

Q. What word could be used to describe a yawning hole.......A. Mouth (was chasm)

The Titanic sank becuase they weren't looking where they were going in the dark and it hit an ice cube.

Joan of Arc was Noah's wife


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